A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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