the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
