Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
