Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
