i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
