I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
