i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
