Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
