I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
