you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
