I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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