If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
