Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
