is your mom at the bar?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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