Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
