five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
