Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
