I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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