Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize