She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
