T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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