Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
