I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize