Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
