He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
