That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
