is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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