There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize