i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
