I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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