It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
