I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
