i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
