I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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