you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
