The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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