mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
