Will you blow on my dice?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
