dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
