I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
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We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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