i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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