The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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