Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
