I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
