Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
