Apparently you make a good broom.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
