i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
