I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
