i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
