I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
