Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
