if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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