At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
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i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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