I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
