She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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