I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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