Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
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It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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