Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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