Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize