She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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