Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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