Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
