I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
