Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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