I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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