Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
