Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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