I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
