i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
