my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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