chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
