I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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