I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
