why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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