how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my poor anus
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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