I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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