guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize