sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
