I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
